Stress is a horrible thing. For the last month I have been riding a wave of cortisol, constantly preparing my body for fight or flight, yet I can do neither. I fully anticipate that in the future we will find a way of studying the effects stress has on the body more thoroughly and discover that it is just as bad for you as sugar or even tobacco. I bet it causes cancer. I feel rubbish. I have not been sleeping well and I have lost my appetite. My body is so busy diverting blood flow to my extremities (for the fight/flight) that my digestive system doesn't get a look in. I have been eating at all the right times but only because I know I need to to keep myself strong. I feel light and barely connected to the earth and I hate it.
A couple of weeks ago someone commented on my Happy Monday post that I had obviously had a great week. I hadn't. It had been a horrible week in which much of the source for the current stress had been unearthed (sorry to be cryptic but I'm not ready to talk about it until I know where it's heading). I try not to be a 'sunshine and lollipops' blogger, making my life sound styled and perfect; but constant whining about my (mostly first world) problems is dull and quite frankly is a little toxic. It was interesting that by focussing on the positive I had given the illusion that life was sweet (even with my usual 'disclaimer' at the beginning).
This year I have been focussing on the positive things- I started with #100happydays (here, here and here). It has been a pretty tough year so far but I am coping with it much better than I would have in the past. If you are having a tough time of things I certainly recommend recording the moments of joy in whatever way is convenient for you, it provides a great perspective.
Things that made me happy this week:
:: Working out how to use the bloody confusing new external hard drive I bought. The guy in the shop said it was easy. He lied. I was about to have a big sooky whinge about it then decided I needed to just IT nerd it up and eventually got it all sorted. Bit of a high 5 moment. It probably would have been quicker just to have a big whine on social media and get one of you techy lot to help me but I want to eventually become one of those technology savvy oldies so I need to start conquering the tricky stuff by myself.
:: An unexpected fifteen minutes of quiet time reading in the car in a beautiful shady, leafy street on a gorgeous day.
:: Strolling to a restaurant in the early evening to meet a friend for dinner on another gorgeous day. I love spring.
:: Short shorts, tank tops and thongs. Not on me, there is enough trauma in the world without seeing my pasty white stems in short shorts. On other people it reminds me that summer is coming. Oh and by thongs I mean flip flops. I know where your mind is going Michelle.
:: Sparkling droplets on the windscreen as I drove home from grocery shopping. I was so tired and over it all and it was a little moment of magic in the day.
:: A phone call that reminded me to breathe.
:: A hug-it-out moment with a colleague that I really frickin needed.
:: Eating a coffee cup full of Rodeo Mix with a glass of wine for dinner on a rare night home alone. The Bookworm jokes that without him I would live on toast. Turns out that he is wrong, I would live on Rodeo Mix. It provides quite a balanced diet:
Almonds and cashews- protein and good fats
Roasted broadbeans- vitamins
Mini pretzels- fibre
Roasted corn kernals- totally a vegetable
Soya chips- protein, phytoestrogens
Salt- to avoid cramps doncha know.
The only thing lacking was calcium so I followed it up with an ice cream. #healthyeating
:: Doing the same again the next night, although this time spicing things up with some scrambled eggs for my 'main' and varying the ice cream flavour.
:: A brief moment of snuggling with both my boys in the bed on Saturday morning, before the humans had to get up and go to work.
:: "Brave," the film. I feel like it should have been made when I was little. Merida is basically me, except I am crap at archery. I am too hard on my mum, I would possibly have tried to change her, should a wisp ever come into my life. I nearly cried when, just after Merida's mum had been turned into a bear, she sees her own shadow and the first thing she does is protect Merida. Man, growing up is eye-opening.
Happy Monday. I hope your week has little moments of magic.