Happy Monday

I am feeling a bit conquered by the universe lately. I try really hard to focus on the positive things rather than wallow in the bad but I feel like I have had months (and months and months) of swimming upstream. I am exhausted emotionally and I should be exhausted physically except I seem constantly high on a stream of adrenaline. I headed upstairs at 2:30 on Sunday morning purely because I thought I should lie still for a bit. I think I maybe slept two hours.

The upside is that I am often awake to see the sky do amazing things.

3am Saturday morning...

I announced to social media on Thursday that my grandma had passed away. I am old enough to remember when major life moments involved phonecalls, it felt odd to be popping such a thing up on the internet. But I did it anyway.

Grandma was ninety, she would have been pleased to know she cracked the big 9-0 last week. I like to think that somewhere inside her poor muddled head, that stubborn little spirit of hers cherished the milestone. Grandma descended into Alzheimer's disease very quickly about three years ago. We lost the essence of her a while ago. Often dementia patients are written up in their medical notes as 'pleasantly confused'- it's that almost childlike wonder some people manage to get back. I wished that for her, but no, her last three years have been a constant torment of knowing things weren't right, knowing her memory was gone, but being unable to process the information

I know this sounds indulgently selfish but flying back to Brisbane for a funeral was not what I needed this week. I went from that horrendous month of medical tests, straight into another month of exam preparation, only to spend the night before my exam waiting for the phonecall to tell me grandma had gone. I'm not sure how well that exam went. I was so looking forward to having a bit of a rest this week, some guilt-free free-time. Instead, probably as you are reading this, I am delivering a eulogy and dealing with some fairly difficult family dynamics. I need a break, preferably before I break.

But I am very lucky. I am not sick, I have a good family, I have many memories of my quirky little grandma. There are a lot of people much much worse off. So, Happy Monday!

Things that made me happy this week:

:: Quite enjoying the last few days of study and the way my knowledge is growing

:: A beautiful old-school shop assistant in Myer who took me to the item I was looking for, way out of his department. I know! I kept expecting to find that I had somehow stumbled into a time machine. Particularly as five minutes earlier I had been deliberately ignored by the assistant in cosmetics (Michelle, if you are reading this, I have still not achieved a fabulous, confidence-building lipstick!)

:: Another photo in the insect series. I am terribly allergic to bees so this took a fair bit of guts and supidity.

:: Discovering a lovely bottle of wine I had been looking for at the new Brunswick East Wine Store. Such a cracking little shop, I can't wait to return when i have more time to browse. #Notsponsored- just excited about independent wine shops :)

:: All the beautiful social media love I received after the post about my grandma. We may have less face-to-face time in todays world, but there is something to be said for the wider circles that have resulted from the magical electronic internet.

:: My enormous haircut. I decided a week or so ago to cut off my hair and donate it to Beautiful Lengths to be made into a natural hair wig for someone undergoing cancer treatment, in association with the wonderful Look Good Feel Better charity. I had made an appointment for Thursday night and considered cancelling when Grandma died that morning. What is the correct protocol when someone dies? I don't know. So I went ahead and I'm glad I did. It put a wonderfully positive spin on what was otherwise a terrible day.

Here I am, 28cm shorter.

Happy Monday :)

What made you happy this week?