Monday, 10 November 2014

Happy Monday

I am feeling a bit conquered by the universe lately. I try really hard to focus on the positive things rather than wallow in the bad but I feel like I have had months (and months and months) of swimming upstream. I am exhausted emotionally and I should be exhausted physically except I seem constantly high on a stream of adrenaline. I headed upstairs at 2:30 on Sunday morning purely because I thought I should lie still for a bit. I think I maybe slept two hours.

The upside is that I am often awake to see the sky do amazing things.

3am Saturday morning...

I announced to social media on Thursday that my grandma had passed away. I am old enough to remember when major life moments involved phonecalls, it felt odd to be popping such a thing up on the internet. But I did it anyway.

Grandma was ninety, she would have been pleased to know she cracked the big 9-0 last week. I like to think that somewhere inside her poor muddled head, that stubborn little spirit of hers cherished the milestone. Grandma descended into Alzheimer's disease very quickly about three years ago. We lost the essence of her a while ago. Often dementia patients are written up in their medical notes as 'pleasantly confused'- it's that almost childlike wonder some people manage to get back. I wished that for her, but no, her last three years have been a constant torment of knowing things weren't right, knowing her memory was gone, but being unable to process the information

I know this sounds indulgently selfish but flying back to Brisbane for a funeral was not what I needed this week. I went from that horrendous month of medical tests, straight into another month of exam preparation, only to spend the night before my exam waiting for the phonecall to tell me grandma had gone. I'm not sure how well that exam went. I was so looking forward to having a bit of a rest this week, some guilt-free free-time. Instead, probably as you are reading this, I am delivering a eulogy and dealing with some fairly difficult family dynamics. I need a break, preferably before I break.

But I am very lucky. I am not sick, I have a good family, I have many memories of my quirky little grandma. There are a lot of people much much worse off. So, Happy Monday!

Things that made me happy this week:

:: Quite enjoying the last few days of study and the way my knowledge is growing

:: A beautiful old-school shop assistant in Myer who took me to the item I was looking for, way out of his department. I know! I kept expecting to find that I had somehow stumbled into a time machine. Particularly as five minutes earlier I had been deliberately ignored by the assistant in cosmetics (Michelle, if you are reading this, I have still not achieved a fabulous, confidence-building lipstick!)

:: Another photo in the insect series. I am terribly allergic to bees so this took a fair bit of guts and supidity.

:: Discovering a lovely bottle of wine I had been looking for at the new Brunswick East Wine Store. Such a cracking little shop, I can't wait to return when i have more time to browse. #Notsponsored- just excited about independent wine shops :)

:: All the beautiful social media love I received after the post about my grandma. We may have less face-to-face time in todays world, but there is something to be said for the wider circles that have resulted from the magical electronic internet.

:: My enormous haircut. I decided a week or so ago to cut off my hair and donate it to Beautiful Lengths to be made into a natural hair wig for someone undergoing cancer treatment, in association with the wonderful Look Good Feel Better charity. I had made an appointment for Thursday night and considered cancelling when Grandma died that morning. What is the correct protocol when someone dies? I don't know. So I went ahead and I'm glad I did. It put a wonderfully positive spin on what was otherwise a terrible day.

Here I am, 28cm shorter.

Happy Monday :)

What made you happy this week?


  1. Blimey you've had a massive week. I'm so sorry about your gorgeous grandma. Grandparents are special.

    And I've hardly ever had a helpful assistant from Myer or DJs, the people I've experienced are usually snooty and ignore me, so good for him! They should clone him ;)

    And your beautiful hair, what a lovely gesture!! Also, I think you rock short hair really well.

    And +1 on the bee allergy. You took a lovely pic though. Bees usually leave you alone if you leave them alone but you never know!

    Stay well.

    1. Thank you lovely one. I am slowly getting used to the short hair :)

  2. So sorry to hear about your grandmother, it must be a very challenging time for you. I think it's great that you're focusing on the beauty and kindness in things and situation, we all need to do that :)

    1. I'm so late at this reply but thank you. Focusing on the good makes the bad much easier and when the good comes, like this last week, you are all the more overjoyed for recognising and rejoicing in the moments :)

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother, losing a grandparent is always hard and it sounds like you've been dealing with a lot already in the past few months. Take care xx

    ps. giving away your hair was a really lovely thing to do - you really suit short hair!

  4. Oh sweetheart what a time of it you're having. I am so very proud of you for donating your hair and still trying to find the good in what sounds like an overwhelming time for you. I hope you get some lovely down time to recharge soon x

    1. Very late reply but something shifted in the universe last week and I had such a lovely week and I'm off to Sydney tomorrow to spend three days with two of my bestie- good things come to those who wait :)

  5. So sorry about your Grandma, and all the stress you've been under. You are just amazing in the way you are focusing on the good things!

  6. So sorry to read your sad news, Nicole. Thinking of you. Also thinking your hair looks just splendid too xxx

  7. The haircut is classy.
    My 94 year old friend passed away a couple of weeks ago and her mantra(she had a few) was 'use it or lose it'. She was such a positive person(I love positive people, they light the space around them) and I enjoyed your 'things that made me happy list'. I do something similar with my kids each night. Sometimes its the little things:)


I love comments, whether you agree or disagree with me I would love to hear what you think.